energy rush

tonight or rather this morning is one of the nights when i dont feel like sleeping at all. i know that staying up late all night is unhealthy and worse, i caught a cold. i should be resting and not blogging or doing any work, but i just dont feel like sleeping yet. yes, no sleep tonight!!

had a chat with jf. you dont know how much i miss this girl. i shall receive you at the airport on 22 dec okay? since you said you will be having jet lag, let's just go out and spend time with each other through the night okay? so please, get your dad's permission to drive the car. =)

another best friend of mine, liting is going to have her exams soon. arghhh!!! i know the stress is building up. you just feel like screaming while crumping all the stuff into your brain right? but, just hang on! have confidence in yourself and everything will be fine. it will soon be over. =)

my dearest ally is summarizing the paper now. she has become my new insomnia buddy. imagine us still online at this earthly hour! seriously, sleep is not our friend recently. =(

what a random entry! i hate it when i have nothing to blog about when i feel like blogging.

weekend is burnt out!

i ate a lot during the past few days!!!

went out with the nj gang on saturday and i loved it! i miss the guys. i had not seen them for almost a month. ahhh!!! i was so desperate to meet up with them that goi and i came up with an evil plan to con hq to cab down to orchard. i even suggested to pay for his cab fare. imagine how much the two of us wanted to see them. it was good to meet up in the afternoon because we had more than enough time to spend together. we had dinner at this zu chao place near paradize centre. next up was our dessert! the bean curd beside our dinner place and our favourite venazia ice cream. we talked and so usual, had a debate over some gender issue. whatever lah!

the classic line from the day was "you realise you are in a nightmare and you want to wake up but you have already woken up". i guess many of us are stuck in similar situations now right? so am i. DAMN!

yesterday, it was dabai's bday celebration and deathnote movie time. death note is good! L looked horrible but i love the fact that he liked desserts. light was psychotic. he actually killed his girlfriend to protect himself. wth! anyway, we went to this japanese steamboat place to have our dinner and it was dabai's treat! i did not eat much because i think that japanese love vegetables like crazy. vegetables make up almost half of the amount of food we ordered. =( so, the ever-hungry goi, dabai and i went to have our second helpings at bnj. yes!!! we actually ordered 2 rounds of merlionster, with gladys joining us for the first round.

so much fun for the past few days makes karen a worried girl now. i can see myself not sleeping much for the next few days again. go go karen!

miss them lots

i am so excited after talking to dingod on the phone. all 5 of us are finally meeting up. YES! i have not caught up with this group of jc good friends for a very long time. remember all the good times we had together? all the break time talks in the canteen, laughing at each other, our usual after school hobby - eating, talking about almost everything under the sun. so fun so fun!!! i cannot wait to see them.

i dont usually show my emotions on my face. the problem is still there but i am fine.

fuck them

i hate the current me. i do not like the situation that i am stuck in now. i know it is fucking wrong for me to behave in this way now but just let me be irrational for once. forgive me for being the bad person now. i am sick and tired of being part of the beautiful picture you paint for the others. it is the time for me to be rebellious. it is the time for you to understand the pain and agony i have been going through for all my life. i always tell myself that it will be fine after a few weeks but this time round, i dont think that is going to happen. it has already gone over the limit. if you are not going to learn how to respect us, the whole cycle will happen again in a few months' time. anyway, even if you have learnt your lesson now, it is too late. i will never believe in 'it is bever too late' again. i dont know when the whole thing will be over. i just have to hang on for the sake of someone i want to protect. dont ever break down now, karen!

i am on my own now

i swear i am not going to depend on you anymore.

i cant stand your childish behaviour.

i am leaving you out of my world and i swear i will never let you return.

dont cry and beg for my acceptance because things are not the same again.

you make me hate them even more.

time for some serious financial management.

i need to call her!

chocolates are girl's best friends

chocolates are girls' best friend!

i went to meiji factory at quailty road with the gang. when we got into the store, we were all grinning happily away for at least a full minute. imagine jumping into a pool of chocolates, biscuits and snacks. heavenly! our tiny shopping baskets were quickly filled when we were not even half done with our marketing yet. basically, we just took everything off the shelves and into our baskets. when i was about to pay, i looked at my nearly filled basket and wondered if i had enough cash with me. the store did not have the atm machine. argH! devastrated! most importantly, i am trying to save up as much as possible because i have to pay for my soon-to-be driving lessons. i had no choice but to put a few items back to its orginal place. =( anyway, i am still happy with my one bag of snacks. i think they can last me through the month. these snacks will make anothe person happy soon!

saving is such a difficult task. suddenly, i have a long shopping list in my mind now, which is not something good. when i have a list of to-buy things, i will be tempted to spend and buy them. =( when that happens, my savings will deplete and my efforts for the last month will be wasted. this is highly possible to happen because i am the type of person who will spend on impulse if i have not shopped for a long time. argH!!! stop asking me out!!! and if there is a need to, please please please go on a budget. i am desperate for money now. even though i did not like the environment of my ex working place, at least i will have a source of income. remind me constantly to save money and i will be grateful for that.

sending a parcel over to canada tmr!

world trade centre

courage is when you stand out with fear in your eyes

teamwork is looking after each other's back

helpless is when you cannot prevent something bad from happening right before your eyes

optimistic is never to sleep

love is the power to keep you going when you are faced with difficulties

it was an emotional movie for me. i had never felt that way throughout the entire 2 hours. emotional but i did not tear again. it had been ages since i slept on the bus. when that happens, it means i am damn tired. hope i can last through the week with just 6 hours of sleep for the past 4 days. go karen!

friends are amazing!

friends can do wonders to my day. =)

i was not feeling very good last night. suddenly, this sense of saddness came upon me. i felt i was struck in a terrible world which i had to accept everything with no questions. no freedom, tight restrictions, curfews, no friends but only 4 walls to accompany me till i die. hmm..

so we went to catch SCOOP today. it is not one of my MUST WATCH movies. people who know me should understand that i seldom pay to laugh. at the end of the movie, i did not regret my choice. this is a british comedy film and the humour lies among the words. good sense of humour and a charming character to drool over. to be honest, i felt like sleeping in the beginning because i was not interested in the movie in the first place. i decided not to waste my money and watched, laughed at sydney (one of the characters' name) and being ill-treated by minghui. =(

i have fun! hope i will continue to enjoy the rest of the week. dont think too deep sometimes. just follow your instincts and maybe your instincts are right and everything will be solved. enjoy! movie spee has started.

so not in the mood

i promised to blog an entry about my mid-autumn festival. shall not talk much about it. just see the photos.


all of us at the rooftop of esplande


our beautiful chinese traditional laterns


mooncakes!!!!


hazy night sky


my favourite piece =)

more photos!!! http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/72157594316694025/

thoughts provoking

we have different responsibilities in different stages of life. when we were little, our worlds were always filled with love, fun and laughter. we did not have to worry about the next meal. our main concern was when would my next play time be? it seems like we did not have a responsibility then but i think it is wrong. our responsibility was to bring laughter into the family. it made our parents jump when we first called them. it made them excited when we could walk. it brought a smile across their face when they saw us running into their arms when they came home from work. that's what we were supposed to do then.

teenhood was the rebellious period for most. it was the time when we dared to challenge the superiors. we started to have our own mindset and hated rules and regulations that were not in favour to us. we hated restrictions and wanted more freedom. adults always claimed that studying hard and well was our responsibilities. thinking back, it should be having as much exposure as possible. i learnt the most when i was in secondary school. although the environment was not the most ideal one, it really pushed me and forced me out of my comfort zone. it came upon me now that my responsibility then was to learn and grow as much as possible.

when we start working and forming family, the sense of responsibilites will be heavier. now, it is not a matter of own's survival. it concerns a group of people who you love. you want the best for them so no matter how tough it is for you, you just have to push on. even if there is no purpose and how frustrated you are, you just have to do it for their sake. to put it in a nasty way, it is like living a life for the others. but we should all be optimistic about life! we should be willing to take up this responsibility because giving is better than receiving.

i think this responsibility shape our thinking at different stages of our lives. you may feel very irritated, frustrated, angry, pissed off, being used after an incidient now, but when you look back in 5 years' time, you will look at it from a different angle and realise your reactions at that time was irrational, illogical, childish or even stupid. so, just take everything in your strides.

i just came home from a community service project. it was a simple affair to celebrate mid-autumn festival with the senior citizens. it touched my heart when i saw the smiles on their faces, they told us they enjoyed themselves and thanked us for our efforts. after the event, some of them were sitting around at the viod deck and it seemed like any other day. they were sitting alone and waiting for night to fall. ARGH! sometimes, i just hate reality. but at least i know that i had done something special for them today.

there was this old couple who i MUST mention. the husband is very caring towards the wife even at such an old age. when the wife went to the toilet, he waited for her outside, held his hand and guided her back to their seats. how many couples actually bother to show love to each other in the public when they are old? it just makes me wonder will i be like them in the future? they made me believe that marriage is a beautiful thing.



shall talk more about my own mid-autumn festival celebrations after i upload the photos. i better upload fast or else 5 people will chase after me for my head. one last important thing, for the sake of zhai, IT IS VERY HAZY NOW!! I HATE THE SKY AN WEATHER.

killing myself

sometimes i just feel like killing myself!! i hate myself when i expect a lot from ME. what's the problem with me? cant i be contented and be happy with what i have now? when will i stop wanting more? can i just be a happy girl who lives a simple life?

what the hell!!!!! all these are for the damn word dreams. living your dreams is hard. fulfilling your dreams is even harder. argh!!! i just feel like asking myself to stop have big dreams.

i cant i cant because that will not be me! this is not the worst yet because i had experienced more pressure pulling me almost a year ago.

my mind is in a mess now. i dont even know what the heck i am talking about. seriously i want to murder myself now.

to know me

my dearest ally, mh is my first friend who said i do not have the fierce look. woah! it was a surprise to me. usually i dont give people a very good first impression. people are usually afraid of me or think that i have high standard for everything or not the slacker. when they get to know me better, i am seriously not as fierce as what they think. =) but there are exceptions too.

1) never ever force me to do something i hate. the end product will be damn sucky then i will get so pissed off with myself. i will re-do it again. during the process, i will get angry with you for wasting my time. so dont try this!

2) never ever make me hate you. the key message is there is a thin line between hate and dislike. you can make me dislike you but not hate. if it ever happens, i wont consider you as my friend at all. i will just treat you as non-existence. so if you are sick of me as your friend, try making me to hate you then i will make sure you wont see me again. =)

3) dont disturb me when i am seriously busy or engrossed in doing something. i will give you the pissed off stare. cant you see i am busy? so why are you still bothering me?

4) never be whiny to me. i cant stand that for a second! i dont owe my life to you so i dont see why i should respond to your whines.

5) make a decision! i hate it when people take a million years to decide. just think fast and act fast. if your mind isnt working, use your instinct lah! dumb ass!!!

DONT ever try any of the above if you still want to be friends with me. =) i can tolerate it once but never twice.